Tuesday, October 28, 2008
3:55 PM
This will be retarded and annoying: Writing surreptitiously.
Here goes. I see a pattern and I know that this will go in one of two ways. In which,
I either wimp out or I wimp out.
But it'll lead to two very very different paths, each sprouting little branches with their little thorns and leaves like baobobs have and... this is getting out of point.
*waves the air of stupid metaphor away*
The first form of cowardice will be carried out in the traditional sense. I run screaming.
The latter form.. is like Coward Incognito. I put on a mask of Brave and take on whatever comes up like its nothing. A brave surplus. Only.. it isn't real bravery. No. It's Fake one. Cause the part where I "take on whatever comes up" is really just me yielding to every bidding.
HAHA.. This is bad. It's two polar opposites and I can't decide because I want to be in the FUCKING MIDDLE! LIKE JIMMY EAT WORLD MIDDLE. This is driving me nuts! I'm bipolar! ... Omg this shit is making me do a bad play on words.
For shame!
And why is it that I always feel good until I start writing stuff out and I realise that no, things are not all good?
[5 minutes pass as I think of what to say next. Really. I'm not kidding.]
Uh, now I actually don't feel so bad about it anymore so you can forget the dramatics..
HAHA I MOST FICKLE GIRL EVER.
FUCK. Is there an ADD for feelings?
Routine Update :
School has been ---------------------.
WORK has been ---...---...--....................--.
Yesterday, work was --^^^^^--..--^^^^^^-----.
When it's my moment in the sun/Oh, how beautiful I'll be/but in a normal sort of way/Like I am you and you are me
Saturday, October 25, 2008
5:03 PM
"We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it.
The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.
All art is quite useless." - Oscar Wilde
Thursday, October 23, 2008
7:46 PM
wah wtf.
wtf wtf wtf wtf. Just the past 2 days... What the heck happened sia.
And today was emotionally insane for me but then everything resolved within the day so it's like nothing even happened. It ANNOYS me on some level to know that. It's as though I got frazzled and shit for nothing...! Even the thing with boy...
I'm like trying to go "yay" but I hadn't gotten rid of my anger yet so I feel stuck. It's like being hungry when you're constipated. Uh-oh.
And so what next? Broken nose? Shard of glass in my ass? Madonna adopts me?
And Don said "Oh don't worry, [getting bird dropping on yourself] means good luck!"
WHAT DO U CALL TODAY?! HUH?! HUH? HUH?!!
I'd much rather have licked a mouldy rock than go through this.
Hear hear!
You are the girl that I've been dreaming of/Ever since I was a little girl..
Friday, October 10, 2008
10:07 PM
It's 10.10pm. Geh. Turning 19 in less than 2 hours. I've been pretty tired today from having to get to school at the ungodly hour of 11am. And since I've gotten home 3 hours ago, I've been stuffing myself with fried fish snack thingies from Indonesia (I think it's fish O.O) and umpteen pictures of Regina Spektor (so far have gone through 18 of 24 pages).
Tra la la...
The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
Thursday, October 09, 2008
4:03 PM
ehm.. got nothing to do for the next 30mins. [From this alone you know this will be a crap post ;). ]
Listening to The Shins now.
been alone since you were 21
you haven't laughed since January
you try and make like this is so much fun
but we know it to be quite contrary
La la la la la la la
They're one of the best. =). Solid lyrics to happy tunes. Makes me go wheeeee.
Cool I've wasted 3minutes.
Hmm. Oh I'm heading out to work. Actually it's more like volunteering free labour cos I'm only going there to practise my failed drinks. Hopefully I don't have to serve many customers. Yes. I am petty. Only because I've made many such trips over there to do the exact same thing about 3 or 4 times now. That was back when I didn't mind cause I thought, "Hey, this is good practice for my bar test." Ga ha ha ha.. Silly banana.
Alas! Failure has made me cold. Bitter, like the Bien Tze Huang powder I force down my throat to soothe my tummyache.
.
.
.
Seriously, I love The Shins.
Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth
only, i don't know how they got out, dear
turn me back into the pet i was when we met
i was happier then with no mind-set
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
2:24 PM
Brevity is the soul of wit. Alas, I have no such talent.
God, I've been in a ragged mood lately..
I failed my bar test in EPIC proportions. 2 of my drinks were underweight, and because I needed a 100% for this part of the test, I'll have to retake it on Sunday. And the part that keeps nipping at me is that they were 2 very basic drinks - tall Latte and a Caffe Mocha. WTF!!!
So then after the other drinks were completed, I started doing customers' orders (still part of the test). It started out fine cause I was making 1/2drinks at a time. Then came the torrential slush. Okay I'm exaggerating. But yeah. 3 frapp drinks, 2 bar drinks, 1 blended juice drink. The whole lace was a fucking mess. I couldn't think straight. I pulled shots before I steamed the milk, then cursed myself immediately. Then the temperature of the milk wasn't within required range yet because our verismo isn't functioning properly, so I hit the manual button and WOOPISH. MILK AND FOAM BLEW ALL OVER THE MACHINE. I only found out later that the pitcher needs to be held closer to the wand when I hit the Manual button. So honest mistake there. But it freaked me out and it all went downhill from there. Oh and this whole time another manager - who scares the shit out of me - was observing intently. And I could just feel his anger growing with every mistake I made.
And I committed many sins. Screwed up the same drink twice (so made I it three times). neglected to clean the Steam wand and push it back into place (I was much aware of that, I just thought I'd move on to make the other drinks first then clean it later but that wasn't protoccol =(. ) Screwed up the juice drink because I thought it was marked RFJ, but then it was RPJ. =/. I failed to recall the drinks to customers. This needs a bit of explaining. When you're passing the drink to a customer you're supposed to repeat their drink to them in full. So instead of Mocha Frappucino, it's Tall Mocha Frappucino Ice Blended Coffee. I'm okay with that except when its a cream based drink i get tongue tied. Like Tall No whip Chocolate Cream Chip Frappucino Ice blended Cream. It's not that difficult. I suppose it's just me.
So amidst the spilling, the panicking, and the blending... I overheard the 2 managers talking in chinese and something like "Ru guo shi wo, wo hui bao zha". And I was like Oh Fuck. After the EPIC fail, I got a ten minute break. DIDN'T want to talk to anyone or see their faces. So I just sat down at the corner outside, milk stained shirt (YES I WAS AWARE OF THE FUCKING IRONY), bangs sticky with Frap Mix, listening to Ms Spektor, thinking of what a screw up I was.
The thing is, IT IS REALLY NOT ALL THAT HARD. I JUST HAPPENED TO FUCK IT UP.
But I got over it pretty quickly - thanks to the therapeutic conveyance of washing the dishes - and all I have to do is have a retest. I'm just mad at myself for being such a massive idiot. And when a friend told me "maybe this just isn't your thing", it made me feel like a stupid fuck cos.. How stupid can someone be when they can't even do this
right?
SO I have to do this. Because I have to know.