Sunday, January 21, 2007
3:08 PM
I saw this movie and there was this girl. This lost, messed up girl. It was so sad.. she was so sad and so lost... What really got me was that this girl was me. This character was really me. She got me down to my S. And everything she said made sense to me. It was what i felt and how i thought.
It was so hard to watch her because i felt like i was watching myself. And it was a brutal and ugly truth.
There was this line. Said by a boy to this girl..
"You are one of the loneliest people i know."
And that part was brutal. That part really got to me. it just really resonated with me throughout the whole movie.
I don't think i am that lonely.. or i dont want to admit that..
Family..friends and boyfriends..
And i still.. i still don't feel. Feel that closeness, that comfort...
I keep people at a distance. So this is on me, really.
There is just so much about her that's so much like me that it scares me.
It really does.. at my core.
2:19 PM
I'd been thinking.. just thinking.. a lot. And i finally realised that i need to stop pretending that i don't care. And if in a million years you'd ever get to see this, somehow, somewhere...
This is the torture you've put me through..
I drew a line
An Indelible line.
And i miss you
(The concept of you)
Whatever truth it may hold
Im not sorry for what i've done
But im sorry that you're gone
And i have wondered
every now and then through cups of black coffee
Where you are and who you're with
If somehow i wasn't what you wanted
It's been a long time now
9years but who's counting..
This place is devoid of you
Your memory comes in waves
So do the tears
I think of you
Empty anf resentful.... and sometimes mournful
I think of you.
I barely remember what it was all about
But the line will live up to a decade
it seems
I didn't need you then
I wonder why i think i need you now
It's nothing personal
It's not even you i'm looking for
It's the idea of you
Your presence
Your validation
Your strength
Your love
That's all i ever wanted
That's all anyone wants
Saturday, January 06, 2007
8:58 AM
Dating to me is like shopping. You try on clothes to see if it fit, you sling handbags over to see if it compliments you well, try on shades to see if it suits your face... Its nothing more than that.. Unless I want it to be.. and i thought that people in their late teens would get that!! Who becomes bf/gf instantly when u just met? i mean dating's fun...
Now i really get why people shouldn't mention their mom, their baby plans, their ex-es and going steady on a 1st date..
Where I'm at right now, is just have fun with new people.. nothing serious.. nothing too deep.. because im not ready for something like that yet..
Im young heck im 17 going on 18 this year.. Im sure as hell not ready to commit to anything serious.. Unless i find someone who really fits.. ya'know?