That's why it has taken so long for me to write out a part 2, cos I kept waiting for some memories to pop back out. But I'll be starting school in less than 2 weeks, and lest i forget even more, I'll attempt to write what i can for now.
In secondary 1 and 2, i have to say that those weren't my best days. I was very fickle, especially in sec 1. A different group of friends each month it seemed. I said and did things that i wasn't - still not - proud of. I acted outside of myself in a frivolous attempt to fit in. That part of my life, and probably before that, i must admit i look in shame.
In sec 2, it was a different kind of misdemeanor. Well i got into express, and i felt fervently the need to prove myself then. To show others that i belonged there, that i deserved to be there. But at the same time i also wanted to show that excelling would hardly be a challenge. Like it would be effortless. So when my insecurity met with my ego, the latter won. And so i slacked off.
I paid little attention in class,always talking and acting nonchalant, thinking i could catch up later by studying my own when i got home. Math was the worst. I couldn't catch up. I was 'drowning' like Mr Raffi had said. But even then, i remained - seemingly - indifferent. I continued having a grand ol time in school not doing anything, and then worry and get stressed out when i couldn't do my work at home.
Finally i managed to snap out of it. I think my horrendous results carried with it, some shame. And this time my insecurity and my ego were on the same team. It was apparent that i wasn't doing well. That fear that people would think i wasn't good enough, forced me to study. And that is the truth - i was insecure.
I didn't manage to score many As that year but i did put in my best, i tried to salvage my studies. So no shame there.
Of course, i am leaving out half the story. There was this whole little melodrama i had with a friend. She was a friend, i am not ashamed of saying that. But that ended quite bitterly. And that's as much as i'll go into. I will say though, that I no longer bear much resentment towards the matter.
When secondary 3 began, let''s just say i had a lot to prove - at least i felt i did.
I wanted to do right by my studies that time around, and I thought best to start early. So I had a kind of attitude adjustment.
But of course, it wasn't like i became this by the book student who listened all the time and completed all the homework and studied chapters beforehand. No, i just paid more attention, let it sink in, revised if i needed to, did most of my work and studied for any upcoming tests. I slacked off every now and then like most people, i guess it was because i saw my results improving.( Generally improved all subjects except Chinese =(. )
Academics aside, that year, was probably the best year of my secondary life. There were new people in class , but half of them were from 2E, so it wasn't much of a transition for me since i already knew half of the people. But then again i couldn't really say that. I didn't socialise much back in sec 2. I kept with my own clique, which i am now not so sure i was in one. I was more of an outcast. I came in to the class a stranger, made friends with a few and stuck with them i guess. But i changed that year. I don't know when or where it started but i was more outspoken , more... happy. I goofed around with people a lot and i got to know more of them. We took Bio for the first time that year too, and Mr Hareesh taught us that. Haha it was great. He watched Grey's Anatomy!!!AHHH and he roots for Arsenal too!! Okok coming back.. I got along with him and he was about the first teacher i could joke around with, even back in sec 2. Gosh, i miss him. Jocelyn and i acted like we both had crushes on him, and so we were constantly fighting over him.Haha. What was that about.. i can't even remember how it started. I also, out of boredom during English i bet, started this whole persona where i was a psychiatrist and i made up stupid pseudo mental illnesses pertaining to different people. Symptoms would be the things they did , what they said, how they went about things. I'd name the disease after them. Like Yvonne's Yvlongitis. Haha. That helped fill the time. I even wrote out profiles for my patients! Must have had a lot of time huh..
We did a lot of stupid shit together.. God, that year went by so fast. It's really fuzzy but all i know is that it was my best year. The carefreeness, the time spent laughing , the friends and teachers, Biology... That was a good year. =)